The Golden Indian Curry House

Welcome to the Golden Indian Curry House kids. Garlic naan only $2! Butter chicken for $5. We have a special on Spicy Curry…2 for the price of 1!

But why the great deals Vik…you may ask?

Because apparently I am the owner of the one and only Golden Indian Curry House in Tukwila. It would seem so as I get about 5 calls a week on my personal cell phone asking…either to speak to the owner of the Golden Indian Curry House, whether or not we do take-out, and what our specials of the day are.

It all began about a year ago. It was a rainy Seattle morning, and I was sitting at my desk at my previous employer, Jet Parts Engineering. After slacking off for about the first hour of my morning, I was surprised to get a call on my cell from a private number. Seeking the thrills of a conversation with an unknown caller, I eagerly answered my phone. To my surprise, it was one of my Indian brethren…a voice unfamiliar, yet the accent a dead giveaway. He asks…

“Ees thees thee Golden Indian Curry House?” My immediate thought is…who the f*** is this and what kind of joke are you playing? I mean I get it…I’m Indian. HAHA. Indians eat curry. No brainer. And do one in five Indian families in the Northwest own Indian restaurants? I’m sure of it. But this was not part of our repertoire. I tell him…

“No, I believe you have the wrong number (jacka**)!” He said sorry and that was what I hoped would be the end of it. Unfortunately for me…the calls kept coming. I even had one caller ask if there was a place close by my restaurant to get beer to bring back to his hotel room. Finally one day, one caller in particular refused to believe that I was not part of the Golden Indian Curry House Mafia. Believing he was proving me wrong, he stated…

“But this number is listed in Verizon YellowPages as the number for the Golden Indian Curry House!” I then proceeded to get my point through his thick boater skull that this was a mistake on their part. At this point, I decide to do a little investigating of my own. I go to Verizon YellowPages online, and sure enough, there was MY cell phone number listed for the Golden Indian Curry House! What the f***? Why in the name of all that is holy “Vishnu Shiva Ganesh on a lotus flower” would this happen to me?? It was time for me to take the matter into my own hands. I call the restaurant and ask to speak to manager…the conversation went something like this…

“Hello, my name is Vikram Chopra, and I believe that you have made a mistake in your listing on Verizon YellowPages for your restaurant. It seems good sir, that you have MY cell phone number listed as the telephone number for the Golden Indian Curry House. It would be jolly good for me if you would kindly remove my number please.”

“Vut doo yoo mean? I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry old chum…let me be a little more clear. You have your restaurant listed in Verizon YellowPages, no?”

“Yes.”

“Well, haha, it would seem that whomever did your fabulous listing in this online directory mistakenly put MY cell phone number down instead of your real number for the Golden Indian Curry House…world renowned for your Curry and Aloo Ghobi I might add.”

“OOOOhhh, HAHAHAHAHA…I doo nut know haouw thees happened Veekram! I am soooooooo sorry! HAHAHAHA!”

“It is fine old man…can you please correct this error in due time?”

“HAHAHAHAHA…I don’t know vut too doo!” At this point I feel the laughing is quite unnecessary, and am about to lose my temper.

“Listen DUDE, in respect to the gods and our fallen brethren that trekked 100s of miles to bathe their shriveled bodies in the Ganges river…just f-ing call them and have the listing removed! Ganesh ganesh.”

“Ah ok, I understand. So sorry once again.”

I felt I had made my point quite clearly in a language he would understand. Yet my beautiful people, to this day, I still get the random call for the Golden Indian Curry House on my cell phone. Could this be some cruel cosmic joke the 8 armed gods are playing on me? Is Karma coming back to bite me in the a** in the form of deals on curry? Only time will tell. But for now, perhaps I will make the trek down to the restaurant as fate so apparently wants me to do. What may happen? I don’t know. Perhaps they have a curry so strong it will forever change my soul. We shall see…we shall see.