I am gay. We all know this as a fact…well…I would hope we all know this as a fact by now. I mean, I guess there could be a few folks out there still “holding out” to see if I don’t succumb to the pressures of being an Indian-American man, born to my parents with the hopes and dreams of one day starting a family with a nice, loving wife and beautiful children. Well I can confirm that those hopes and dreams flew right out the window when I was 15 and realized that I could bust a nut in 10 seconds while looking at penis shots on the old net, but couldn’t manage to come close to finishing while staring at nude shots of Pamela Anderson. And still it took me 9 more years to utter those eternal words…”I’m…bi-sexual!” Which of course a few months later turned into “I’m so fucking gay!” Hey…baby steps right?
Well today of all days has put me in the reflecting and reminiscing mood. Why?…you may ask? Because there’s still a chance…right now…in this day and age of 2000 and fucking 9…that my partner and I could have our basic, basic…and let me repeat that…basic domestic partnership rights stripped away with one filling in of an empty hole… no not that…I mean the voting process perverts! “Protect Our Families” is the opposing side’s slogan against Ref. 71…because let’s face it…all faggots and dykes are evil and seek to indoctrinate anyone and everyone we can into our sadistic, blasphemous ways…especially young children. I can’t tell you how many nights Shawn and I have stayed awake til 3am plotting how many kids we can force into a trip to Fagopolis. Every Friday we go over our quota…”Babe…how many this week? I got 5!”
When will the opposing side learn that being gay is NOT a choice. Like…do they understand how chafed and blistered my hands and dick got by trying my damndest to cum while watching 2 ladies go at it? I fucking TRIED people!!! I really did…for like 9 years. Even dove into the muff a few times too. And then there was this time I took shrooms at a rave at old Naf Studios…and when I got back to my fraternity I swear I thought I was “cured” because nothing sounded hotter than Jessica Biel wet and naked. That lasted about as long as the shrooms did…WhaWha.
When I finally figured it out…thank you “Brokeback Mountain”…I was so scared and nervous I almost wet myself everytime I envisioned telling someone…especially my straight guy friends. I could just envision them thinking…”Well did Vik have a crush on ME?” Luckily this wasn’t the case…and if it was…I did not hear about it…and you are a douchebag…because the last thing that would ever turn me on would be getting it on with a brother…and that is how I viewed all of my straight guy friends. There!…I said it!…I never wanted to fuck any of you!
But do you see where I’m going with this folks?…why would anyone choose a life where they could possibly lose friends and family…and face discrimination and persecution almost everywhere in the world. That’s a no fun, yah? Once I was able to tell my friends and family…it took me even longer to finally be PROUD of who I was. Cuz I am PROUD that I am gay. I’d rather it be me than some other poor soul whose parents have kicked them out to the curb, or whose friends have ostracized them. I am proud that I can talk openly and freely about it and not be ashamed. Because that’s what we need…the more of us that put it out there…the more the opposing side will realize we’re not all a bunch of pedophile freaks. Gay is me…and for some…gay is you. And that means gay is beautiful, funny, loving, everywhere, everyone and anyone. And me…we can throw in fabulous, amazing, awesome, ridiculously handsome, and wittier than Dave Chappelle and Wanda Sykes love child. But we all know THAT would never happen…because Sykes is a dyke! Whoo Whoo!
“Babe…that puts me at 6!”
APPROVE REFERENDUM 71 BITCHES!!! Brown out.
Non-(Vik)tion 